December 2020 Journal Entry
December was the month I made non-alcoholic mulled wine. I don’t drink alcohol because it’s too expensive. That’s what I tell people who ask. It is expensive, though.
I’d like to write so much that eventually I just recycle old essays and thoughts and still get factory new paychecks for it.
I walked behind a man for one block and three different people greeted him. When I’m in my small hometown, I hate being known. But I felt jealous of him. No one knows me here. Well, my roommates do. And the guy at the park who told me I was pretty. He was the first person to talk to me after my move. I was wearing a mask and sunglasses. He had no idea what I looked like. Sometimes I see him while wearing the same mask I was that day. I wonder if he remembers me.
Since the pandemic, more random people on the street have told me I’m pretty. I like my eyes. It must be my eyes. Thank you, mask. You make me shine. But I don’t want random people to talk to me.
I have chronic migraine (correct grammar that reads like it’s incorrect) which is really inconvenient but also an amazing get-out-of-plans free card. I had a terrible migraine. It lasted 1.75 days. This one day was particularly terrible. I clocked out at 4pm and slept until 6am. I took my pill, but it didn’t help. I woke up around 8 or 9pm; who can say anymore, darling! I brushed my teeth and nearly passed out. Perhaps those antiquaited fainting couches should have a resurgence. I bet if I went to Goop right this second, they’d have them. They’d be called something like “Goddess meditation rejuvenation Venus casual bed.” It would actually be a way shorter and way snappier name. Goop, if you want to sponsor me, I’m VERY open to the opportunity! Sorry, this paragraph is getting long! Here’s what I was trying to say: Teeth clean, I went to close my blinds. One set fell down with ease. The other inched its way down. It felt like punishment for existing.
My head was throbbing. I was standing right by my bed, so close to at least some kind of relief. I just had to close the blinds. The streetlights woke me up in the first place. I just had to close the blinds. Inch inch inch another inch this is pain this is agony. This is temporary this is not the worst thing. Not the worst thing of this year or month or week. Definitely the worst thing of that day. They closed and I threw myself onto my bed, not even taking the time to turn down my quilt.
I wonder if I can make homemade cat food. And if that’s the type of person I am comfortable being. I made the mistake of buying a giant bag of dried food that Gerty despises. Gerty is my cat. I shouldn’t have to clarify that in “my journal” but I guess I will for the masses (the three people that will read this). I heard on a podcast that there is no dental benefit associated with dry cat/dog food. It is a lie! Told by Big Dry Food! I take everything I hear on podcasts at face value, believing whatever they tell me. Maybe it’s because I doubt my own critical thinking abilities. Maybe because I want to believe. But wet food is gross and expensive. So I don’t think I want to believe this one.
The snow is finally sticking. I hope it continues to do so. And I hope the coffee that I ordered comes soon. I’m not one to order things, so when I do, I think of nothing else. When will it ship? When will it arrive at my post office? When will it be at my front door? I ordered some beans from my favorite coffee shop, which lives in Ohio but I live in Illinois. The beans are in Chicago and have been for six days, stranded at a regional distribution facility (hot). I don’t mind waiting. It’s definitely a busy time for USPS. I just wish I wasn’t looking out the window every ten minutes. You’d think I’d have something better to do. I don’t.
I’ve been waking up at 5:30 am (brag) to work out (brag) before work (brag). You know that moment when you wake up a minute before your alarm? You feel a little impressed with yourself, and you consider throwing away the alarm and declaring yourself a person who “wakes up naturally.” It’s an all-new high when you wake up at 5:29 am.
I watched Knives Out and you should, too. If you haven’t already. I’m behind on a lot of movies, shows, books, etc. Anything culturally relevant, really.
Do we think 2021 will be different?
I listen to a lot of podcasts. My mom said it’s my vice. Finally wrote-in to one! I’m wondering if I should reveal the name of the podcast. But what if my question doesn’t get chosen? I’ll just keep the podcast name a secret for now. Scorpio vibes! They’re asking listeners to send in “earnest” questions. My email subject was “the importance of being earnest” so I feel like it has a pretty good chance of being read.
The coffee beans are totally going to get delivered today. I feel it.
I’m watching Hereditary on my lunch break while “walking” in my room. I have a little step stool that I go up and down on to keep my watch satisfied. It’s also nice to move. It feels like it’s been harder to move these past few months. I’m still working out on the same precedented times schedule. I’m still walking. So why are my limbs filled with weights? And why am I not getting stronger because of those weights? Hereditary is still scary even if you’re watching it during the day while walking on your step stool.
The coffee beans still haven’t been delivered.
Should I shave my head? Or cut my hair really short? To feel something! I’ve shaved my head before so there’s not a lot of excitement in doing it a second time. But I may look really great bald now. What if I’m missing out on that. Maybe it’s too cold to be bald right now. Maybe I’ll look like an egg. Maybe I’m okay with that.
The coffee finally came.
